


My every dark sides

by Radiklement



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Awkward First Love, F/M, Fluff, Matchmaking, Wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2018-11-30 05:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radiklement/pseuds/Radiklement
Summary: Keaton and Camilla have planned to get married, but Xander is a little defensive at the idea of any of his sisters marrying. In fact, he's quite uncomfortable with all the love manifesting on the battlefield. If he could listen to his own heart, it might be easier. Meanwhile, Camilla wants to keep an eye on her dear Corrin, but her budding relationship comes first.





	1. Chapter 1

 

My every dark sides

Chapter 1

Keaton couldn’t believe his luck. Most people around the camp had no taste for real treasure. But he knew when he had something marvellous in front of him. Bones, dead animals, rare bugs, special shards of glass, shiny fur. He also knew which women in camp made head turns. Elise, Nyx and Mozu were all cute. Beruka was scary, but not as much as Charlotte when she would get mad at him. But despite the tall and strong Corrin, the sharp-tongued Selena, he always ended up looking after another one. He’d never thought a human woman would catch his fancy. But lady Camilla was something else. On the battlefield, it was easy fighting alongside her. He could feel how much she cared for her comrades beneath her strength. He trusted her almost instantly.

And now she had accepted marrying him!

“Yessssss!!”

“Keaton, do you really have to wag your tail like that?”

“I’m not…”

Looking down, he realized she was right. He was an open book in this form.

“Damn tail. I’m just so glad you said yes!” he insisted, running a nervous hand trough his hair.

Camilla looked as confident as always, despite the light blush on her cheeks. He had no idea if he could try holding her even though she’d agreed to his proposal.

“Would it be alright if we went out together to buy rings? Real rings?”

“What’s wrong with the one I found?” he asked, barely refraining from pouting.

It was a shiny silvery thing with dark stones. A little green muss here and there, and the smell was just like a dark forest. It felt perfect! Camilla simply smiled, rolling her eyes in good humor. She was happy. She closed his fingers over the ring in his palm.

“I want a ring that hasn’t been worn by anyone before me. You don’t have to worry about gold or anything.”

“I can find gold if that’s what you like.”

“Keaton, please, I’m not marrying you for money. I love you.”

That reminded him of her attraction for the blood scent on him. The dark sides he supposedly hid. Keaton had never thought that he hid anything well. He felt a mixture of worries and butterflies fluttering together in his stomach. On impulse, he grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand towards his face. Her smell was almost intoxicating.

“What are you…?!”

Her cheeks flushed, because a glint of something new, something not childish at all in his eyes had just washed over her.

“We can hold hands, right?”

The glint was already disappearing and Camilla blinked in surprise. Keaton was laughing heartily and it made her heart soar. He was genuinely happy. She let him hold her hand, surprised by the fact this simple gesture she had shared with her brothers and sisters so many times before suddenly felt much more intimate. Somehow, she wondered if her relationship with the wolfskin would evolve too slowly to her own taste.

…

“They’ve got archers!” Xander warned her.

“I noticed!” Camilla retorted, pulling hard on her wyvern’s reins. Keaton was on the ground just below her, growling angrily.

Their marriage had been delayed by a few things. Like the sudden invasion on their castle grounds. Camilla had rushed to the front, ready to take out anyone standing in her way. She was strong and well trained, but archers were dangerous for her mount. She casted a thunder spell just as the arrow was launched. Her wyvern panicked, his left wing torn apart. The wind threw her hair in her face while they both fell, turning in dangerous loops. Camilla had trained for such cases, but the fear was still there.

 _Let go and make sure to fall well_ , she tried to tell herself over the battle noises. Shrieks, steel against steel, horses neighing and orders shouted around. She heard a guttural sound and a howl. Her ears couldn’t distinguish the human voice from the wolf’s.

_Was he alright?_

A scaly wing hit her in the face, drawing blood. Her circlet dug into her head as she got hit by another part of her wyvern, before to fall flat on the uneven ground. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Her book had fallen from her hands, her mind was still turning, falling. The ground seemed to shift beneath her. She grabbed for it. Her left arm didn’t move right. She tried assessing the damage. A dull ache in the back of her neck. Ribs broken. She managed to breathe.

_I need to see!_

A paw covered her back, literally gathered her and laid her on the real ground. She saw the white fur on his stomach. Felt his shadow covering hers. Keaton had cushioned her fall and was now shielding her from the enemy, guarding her like a mad animal. She tried to remove the blood running from her forehead and to push back her hair, but her circlet had broken and her lilac locks were everywhere.

“Keaton?”

It was Xandar’s voice. It sounded tired, but mostly worried. She noticed that the battle was over. Corrin was looking for more invaders while Elise ran around their base, fixing wounds. And Keaton stood over her, snarling at her elder brother.

Camilla tried to raise herself, but Keaton’s hand kept her beneath him. His fur had turned back into his half buttoned and over-shirt. He was shaking slightly, but she could tell he was ready to shift right back.

“Don’t take another step.” The wolf warned Xander, a deep rumbling in his throat.

She couldn’t see his eyes but she knew the dark bloodlust was there. She had to let him know it was okay.

“Keat… Keaton.” She croaked.

Her armor felt too tight around her ribs, but she forgot that as he looked down to her. There was blood on his face too, on his lower lip and splashed over his chin and cheeks. His nostrils were dilated and he was breathing fast. She’d never seen him like that. His ears were pulled back but they lowered in anxiety as he saw the fear in her eyes.

“Camilla?”

“I’m fine.”

Keaton gritted his teeth together at that. She didn’t look fine. Scarlet drips of blood were drying on her hair, a slash was running across her face and he could almost smell her broken bones. His shoulders jumped and he had to hold everything back not to collapse over her in a stuttering, trembling mess.

“I’m sorry. I should have been faste...”

He was interrupted by Xander pushing him away, so that Jakob would be able to fix her wounds. Camilla watched as if she wasn’t there, as Keaton snapped his teeth in anger and roared. The future king waved his sword at him, ordering him to stand back.

“If you want her to be better, you’ll stay away.”

Camilla wanted to yell at Xander, at everyone. Why were they reacting like this? Why did they acted so warry of Keaton suddenly? He loved her, of course he would overreact over something like this. The wolf walked away and her voice wouldn’t come out as Corrin’s butler fixed rib after rib, awakening pain to accelerate the healing process. Her brother was livid and Jakob stayed professional as always. As soon as he was done, she asked Xander to help her to her feet.

“You shouldn’t push yourself.”

“And you shouldn’t tell me what to do!”

“Camilla, are you okay?!” Elise asked, tears showing up in her eyes.

“I’m fine, sweetie, I’m all fixed up. Where’s… Where’s Keaton?”

“I think he needs time alone,” Leo warned her.

“That’s the last thing he…!”

“Camilla, you should listen to them. Your fiancé…”

Corrin sadly pointed the archer’s body, a few meters away and she noticed the man’s head had been ripped off. The flesh was messily torn. Fangs had done this. She understood why everyone looked so scared. Keaton had never acted so violently towards an enemy before. And his rage had almost been directed at Xander before that he came back to his senses.

“What do you think I’d do if someone tried hurting you, Corrin?!”

Her darling sister shook her head.

“He wasn’t himself, Camilla. You should have seen his eyes. He wouldn’t let us near you until you talked to him.” Xander reminded her.

“Listen, I need to see him.”

“Maybe you should give him time. Look after your wyvern, if something can be done for the poor beast.” Leo suggested.

Camilla felt torn apart. Keaton had just shown her another part of himself and everyone else had dejected him. But she couldn’t be foolish. It would be a bad example for Elise. And Corrin. She sighed deeply.

“Fine.”

But she was talking to him before the next sunrise.

…

It was late in the night when she managed to slip out of camp to look around for her fiancé. Keaton had shut himself in a cave and was chewing on a bone when she threw a rock inside his refuge. Camilla didn’t want to meet a bear without a moment notice.

“Go away.” He barked angrily.

She walked right in, her smile falling upside down as she realized just how dark the cave was. She could barely make out his eyes in the darkness and not much else.

“Keaton? It’s me.”

“I know. I can tell by your smell.”

“Does this mean I should have taken a bath?”

He lowered his ears and sniffed once, sadness filling his words.

“You _always_ smell nice.”

Butterflies sore in her chest and she forced herself to remain calm and unflustered. It was foolish and given her fiancé’s tastes, she didn’t know if it could be considered a compliment. Camilla followed his voice, palping her way inside his temporary lair.

“Can you see in here?”

“Better than…” He paused and sighed. “I think you should go back to camp.”

“Keaton…”

He shuffled away from her just as she was closing in and she almost tripped on the bones scattered on the ground.

“What are those? They’re not humans are they?”

“Some deer. There were wolfs here at another time.”

That explained the foul smell that was invading her nose. She held back a grimace and breathed out, making sure to breathe in with her mouth.

“Keaton, I came all the way here to be with you, so don’t run.”

She gave him time to answer and wasn’t entirely surprised with his whiny tone.

“Why? I almost attacked your brother…”

Making him talk was all part of her plan to catch up to him. Her hand fell on his tight and she gripped him, making sure he wouldn’t get away this time, not caring about being improper or not. She wrapped her arms around his torso, feeling him tensing up next to her. His breathing went erratic and the panic was back in her heart at the idea he could be scared of being with her.

“It’s okay.” She tried to reassure him.

“You’re still hurt. I wasn’t fast enough and afterwards… I almost lost it.”

“It’s okay, Keaton.” She repeated.

“You were scared too.”

“Not by you. Never by you.”

He gulped down, his fluffy ears twitching on his head. He was scared shitless. He needed her safe. How could he become her husband if he wasn’t strong enough to defend her?

“Keaton, stop beating yourself up over it. I told you before… I like those dark parts of yourself you’re trying to hide.”

His arms pulled her closer to him as he started shaking for real.

“I’ve never went this far, Camilla. I’ve never felt this lost before. I don’t know what I could do if you…”

She shivered in his arms, realizing just how much he cared about her. Enough to go mad if she died. It was a bit scary, even for her, but at the same time… It made her love him even more.

“I’m here, Keaton.”

She stroked his shoulders, feeling the trembling that he was desperately trying to hold back.

“Will you still be mine, Camilla?”

His hands fell to the small of her back and pressed her flush against him. She heard him breathing hard and gulping down as he waited for her answer. His tail was moving behind them in swift, nervous motions.

“I...”

Her hand hovered above his heart, beating madly in his ribcage. She felt just as nervous as him, held this close, feeling his warmth but unable to see his eyes clearly.

“Only if you’re also mine.” She whispered.

He relaxed and stroked his face against hers, his nose blowing hot air on her forehead and ears.

“Keaton, look at me.”

He obliged her, the brief flash of his smile glinting in the dark cave. His eyes were the same deep crimson, so similar to blood, yet they grounded her. She slid her hands up his shoulders, framing his face.

“I’m yours.” She told him, their eyes locked together.

That seemed to unlock something within him. She barely blinked and his lips were on hers, at first an hesitant caress, but as soon as she relaxed in his embrace, he let go of his restraint and became demanding. He gathered her hair in one hand, holding her closer. She had to bent her neck and turn her head slightly, but she kissed him back even if the position was unfamiliar. His lips were drawing something new in her, Camilla felt heat rushing to all the wrong places, but this felt so damn right. The cave’s smell was almost forgotten as she discovered how feverish her wolf man could be.

He tasted like blood and sweat and she should have been afraid. But she had been trained by Garon himself in blood and sweat and worse. It might be insane, but she belonged in those arms. Something wild lurked in that man, just as wild as the violence she could unleash on her enemies. She felt his hands on her scalp, on her nape, running down her back. Keaton was working on pure instincts and he liked how she reacted to him. Her curves were welcoming his every touch. Although she wouldn’t let go of his head, not wanting the kisses to stop. They soon parted for air and her hands slid to his chest, starting a fire in his heart.

“I’m all yours, Camilla, all yours. I’ll make you happy, I swear.”

He was genuine again, in a sincerity that almost hurt. Camilla had never thought happiness suited her.

“Let me see you in the light, Keaton.”

He guided her out of the cave, being careful to watch her every step, a hand on the small of her back, the other holding her wrist gently, not at all commanding, but guiding her all the same. There was nothing childish about his demeanour right now, but for some reason, she knew most of it would be gone as soon as they’d reach their base. He would reveal himself only for her.

_Better make it last._

As they walked out and into the small forest, the cold air hit them both like a freezing shower. The night was fresh and slightly damp. She took a good look at him, his sharp chin, the white and black mane falling down his shoulders. His fluffy ears, moving as he detailed their surroundings. His thin lips curved up in the corners, lips she was eager to kiss again. She removed some dried blood from his cheek. Their eyes locked together and she shook her head, a tender expression on her face as he was clearly tensing.

“I’m not afraid of you, darling.”

The sweet name granted her a tighter embrace.

“Like what you see?”

She laughed at his cheekiness.

“Very much. Get down here.”

His barking laugh resounded in the night as he raised her in his arms for another kiss, and then a dozen more. She surrendered herself to him entirely. Until his lips slipped down her jaw and his tongue ran over her neck, his teeth barely grazing her skin. Her moan surprised her and she pushed him away as gently as she could, feeling like a hot mess that had nothing to do with a princess.

“Why don’t we save some for the wedding night?”

He nodded, panting and scratching the back of his neck to regain a bit of his countenance. His tail was wagging.

“Don’t do that when you kiss me,” she asked him, trying to grab the furry appendage.

“Hey, don’t touch it! It’s… it’s rude.” He stammered, paling a bit as he evaded her.

“But you wag it like that whenever you find some disgusting bug. I’m not a bug!”

“I can tell you’re the greatest treasure I’d ever find. I’m just… really happy.”

He sounded ready to apologize and she smiled, still flushed from their furious make-out session.

“I don’t think that word even began to describe it.”

She hugged him close and noticed something new, poking at her.

“You are more than just happy,” she teased him.

“I didn’t mean… Well I did but…”

He could dig himself quite a hole when he started.

“It’s okay, as long as you don’t grind on my leg like a dog. Elise had one who’d do that and it…”

“I’d never do that!” he protested, taking a step away from her, looking mortified that she’d even think he could...

All her teasing was just to hide her own shyness. She decided to slightly switch the subject.

“Keaton, have you… ever been with other women?”

Camilla lowered her eyes, feeling a bit ashamed to even ask him. But he sounded a lot more experienced then she’d thought about this kind of situation. And the way he’d kissed her…

“Nope. When we wolfskin mate, it’s forever.”

She noticed his sheepish grin and felt a mixture of relief and fear. Did wolfskin live a lot longer than human? She didn’t want him alone if she were to die, be it on the battlefield or from old age.

“Did you… What about you, Camilla?”

For some reason, this line of thought brought her to a memory she had thought buried far and deep within her mind. Garon had been a good father, but he treated his daughters differently than his sons. Since she was aiming to become a warrior and a wyvern rider at that, the king had worried for her safety and integrity. When she was fourteen, Garon had literally forced Camilla to watch what the horror of wars could mean for a woman. Ordering her never to fall prey to such indignity. And foremost, forcing her to look as some unknown servant was used like an animal by a monstrous man, repeating to her the words: _“Don’t let it break you, my eldest daughter. You’re stronger than that.”_

At the time, she had felt a great disgust for men and even repulsion whenever someone that wasn’t one of her brothers tried touching her. She cuddled her two sisters even more, worried that something, anything close to the atrocity she’d seen could happen to either of them. Camilla never really worried about herself. Unless she loved a man, she wouldn’t let anyone close to her. She wouldn’t fall prey to her own desires, not if it meant being a helpless puppet in dirty hands. She paled so much that Keaton panicked.

“Are you okay? Did… Did anyone tried to hurt you in the past?!”

He sounded ready to tear off more throats and his indignation would have been heartwarming if she didn’t feel chilled to the bones by her dark memories. Now that she thought of it, her father had orchestrated the whole ordeal, pretending the man was from Hoshido, throwing one innocent girl in his hands, an innocent girl that could have been her dear Corrin if Garon had been slightly more deranged. At fourteen, she had lost what little remained of her innocence and was asked to kill the Hoshidan monster. His blood was the first that fell on her hands and she had felt just as raped as the poor maiden… That one had been killed too, to ease her suffering. Garon kept telling her not to break and Camilla hadn’t been able to talk about the whole ordeal to anyone, Leo being too young, her sisters not needing that kind of imagery. And Xander… She knew Xander would have listened. Xander would have understood why she’d scream when she woke up in the middle of the night, but Xander would have been so disappointed in their father and she couldn’t do that to him. He already had far too much on his plate.

So instead she’d dwelled in her own nightmares. Trying hard not to break, not to show weakness. She had flirted in court, but her heart was devoid of hope at that time. All those she could trust were her brothers and sisters. Her retainers were both women, and she’d protect them if the need arise, because they had been hurt already by this cruel world they lived in. She hadn’t realized she was shaking, suddenly eyeing Keaton with a whole new perspective. The man child hadn’t been threatening before. He killed people of course, but it always seemed to be in self-defence. And he loved her. Surely, love made anything that happened between a man and a woman better than what she’d seen and heard. Kissing him just now must have been the proof to that. Camilla didn’t want to allow fear into her heart, but Garon had set it there long ago and the nightmare she’d thought forgotten was still vivid.

“Camilla, please, what’s wrong? Is it something I said?”

“No, no.” She sighed, coming back to herself, realizing she was shaking slightly, realizing that her hands were frozen in his. She felt small and not as confident as she should, but Keaton was looking at her with nothing but worry in his red eyes.

“If any man ever tried to…”

She shook her head and a tear fell down, making her gasp in shock. Why was she so emotional?

“I’ve never… No man ever did anything to me. _Not-to-me_.” She said in one shaky breath.

Keaton’s ears rose on his head and she could tell he was still worried. She felt stupid, standing there, filled with fears when she could tell this man respected her and loved her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, breathing hard as she tried to tamper down the memories flashing back in her mind. And all she could think was that she couldn’t break. She couldn’t break down after all this time. Not when her life was slowly getting normal. Not when the war could be won and peace earned.

“Camilla?” His voice sounded weak, saturated by emotion.

How could she say it was fine when she still shook this much, when she gripped on his shirt as if her life depended on it?

“I…”

“It’s okay. Whatever happened in the past, to you or to anyone. It’s okay, Camilla.”

_Don’t break, don’t break, don’t break._

His arms held her with all the strength he dared to use around her. She felt safe here, even if she could hear his heart beating madly, even if she felt lost and terrified.

“I won’t break.” She mumbled into his chest.

“It’s okay,” he repeated. “I’m here to help and fix you.”

That almost made her laugh. She tried picturing what he would bring her in hope to fix her. She held on tighter to him and broke down instead.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

My every dark sides

Chapter 2

Xander was pacing along the main entrance to their castle, waiting anxiously for his sister to come back. He hated feeling so little control over all that was happening lately. Leo was falling for Azura, Elise kept playing hide and seek with Kaze whenever she could… Corrin and Silas were thicker than thieves and Xander knew that love was a nice distraction from all the senseless fighting they had been through. Benny and Charlotte were already expecting a child, just as Arthur and Effie, even Niles and Mozu had gotten married and it was only a matter of time before Selena accepted Odin as her husband. This didn’t feel like an army anymore, but like some kind of matchmaking-crazed mother making sure none of her children would be left out of prospect.

Xander had been pressured before to marry some noble women. His father had had many different wives and mistresses over the years. If not for the painting in the main castle, the young man wouldn’t recall the face of his own mother. But that was beyond the point. Right now, his whole family seemed to be shattering from the inside. With his father being more monstrous with every new order, Xander realized his brother and sisters were running towards others for support. And they all seemed happy with their lives right now. But that didn’t stop him from worrying. He wasn’t ready to see any of them marrying or starting families.

“Lord Xander!”

Peri ran up to him, her bunches waving in her wake. She seemed flustered and the crown prince halted his pacing.

“What’s wrong, Peri?”

“I… I…”

Her lower lip started quivering and Xander spotted the many warning signs of one of her sobbing crisis. For someone so strong on the battlefield, Peri was still a little girl in many aspects. Whenever she’d come to him in this state, he’d feel the urge to hug her, although it wasn’t becoming of a prince his station. There was one time where he’d dared to take her hand and she’d yelped in surprise, making him even more warry of trying any gesture towards her.

“It’s okay, Peri, just tell me what happened.”

He tried not to be alarmed. Sometimes, she would get teary over small things. And he was still waiting on Camilla’s return. He hadn’t left to look for her yet because Corrin ordered him not to.

“You d-don’t think I’m d-d-disrespecting you, lord Xander, do y-you?”

“Who put that silly notion into your head!?”

She quivered at his outburst and his focus on Camilla’s whereabouts was entirely gone. He dragged Peri to the mess hall, which would be empty as this hour, keen on calming her down. There was almost no one outside when Keaton and Camilla walked back home. Camilla’s eyes were red and puffy, but they were holding hands and it was only reluctantly that they parted to reach their respective quarters.

“I think I’ll have a bath before going to sleep.”

“Don’t fall asleep in there.” Keaton teased her.

She blushed as she nodded and blew him a goodbye kiss. His tail was wagging like crazy and Camilla couldn’t refrain herself from smiling.

That man was a fool, but it was her fool. She walked into the bath house in a haze, still sore from crying and her freshly healed skin was prickling here and there. Her fears were still close and the very act of disrobing gave her a sense of discomfort, one she’d rarely had. She didn’t want to feel vulnerable, not tonight. She assessed the occupants and noticed a single red head among the water. Corrin was taking a past midnight bath. Her younger sister. Adopted sister. Kidnapped sister. All kind of thoughts ran through her mind. Some dark, some lighter. Corrin was playing with a large sun flower, counting the petals absentmindedly.

“Are you thinking about a certain young knight, my darling sister?”

Blushing beet red, the young woman looked up to her, ready to defend herself. But she remained quiet as she observed the look on Camilla’s face.

“Is everything okay with you? You’ve been out of camp for hours.”

“I’m fine, Corrin.”

Camilla slowly dipped herself into the scalding water.

“You’ve been crying. And you never cry.”

The big sister mentally slapped herself for exposing Corrin to her aggravated state.

“I just needed to let out some stress. Each of us has bad days every now and then. Why don’t you tell me where you got that sunflower…?”

Corrin hesitated a bit, clearly not convinced about her explanations for her tears. But because she was someone patient, she decided not to pry and gave Camilla the diversion she’d asked.

“We… Silas and I went to a flower field the other day. He’s made this list about all the places I wanted to see when I was smaller and we’re trying to get through the list with every spare amount of time we can find.”

“That’s really sweet of him. You two should really spend more time together. I think he’s good for you.”

“You do? I was sure you would disapprove. Not wanting to share your dear little sister with anyone.”

“Well, if I’m getting married myself, can I really oppose to you seeing someone?”

“We’re not seeing each other, we’re just… really good friends.”

“Oh come on, I know Silas is a good doer and he can’t help himself but be nice to everyone but you hold a special place in his heart. He wouldn’t go through all that trouble for just anyone. It’s plain to see, even for a tough big sister like me.”

“Camilla, please! I had managed to forget him once. Shouldn’t I have remembered him if…”

Corrin looked so distressed suddenly that Camilla’s heart ached for her. Separating her from Silas had been wrong, even if it was Father’s order.

“Darling, you had forgotten so many things because of all the traumas you were put through at such a tender age. You forgot Silas only because it hurt too much not seeing him, don’t you realize? And children love is pure. What you’re feeling now… It’s a love that wants to mature, doesn’t it?”

Corrin was almost as red as her hair now and Camilla chuckled because she had spoken the truth.

“I… I’ve never felt like this before. Not for anyone. But I don’t want to get flustered anymore. It’s…” she paused, wrapping her arms around herself, as if she needed to keep whatever she was feeling bottled inside.

“There’s nothing wrong about what you feel or what you want. We’ve all been there.”

 _In fact, I was just there a moment ago_ , Camilla thought.

“Silas might say it’s not right because I’m a princess.”

“You think I’d let that stop me if I were in your shoes?”

Corrin smiled.

“How did a thing like Keaton and you could happen? I know you paired up a lot during our fights, but…”

“Oh well… He found some _treasure_ and showed it to me, then he forgot where it was and begged me to guide him there. I don’t like most of his treasures, but I like his eagerness and how much more there’s to him than meet the eye.”

“I’m glad then. You sound happy, sis.”

Camilla blinked, feeling something shifting right into place. That was what Keaton wanted to give her. Happiness. And it seemed to work already. She flushed, wondering if it could be any better than what she felt right now, as she tenderly remembered the feel of his hand wrapped around hers. Or his arms in her back and his fingers running through her hair. How come something that had once scared her so much could suddenly be enticing?

“I love him dearly. Even if he can be wild and sometimes… well most times… silly.”

“I think you needed someone like that. You’re always pushing yourself a lot to look after us.”

“I won’t stop just because I get married, Corrin. I’ll always be there for you.”

“And I’ll be there for you too, big sister. If you ever got something on your mind, you know you can come and tell me.”

There was no pretense and Camilla was relieved to be able to share such a discussion with her baby sister. Corrin had grown into a wonderful woman. And although she was scared to see her walking further away, although she couldn’t help but worry about her leaving for her other family... Corrin was here right now and it was enough.

…

_“No matter how I talk to you, my feelings will always be the same, lord Xander.”_

Those words were hunting his every thought. Peri had looked endearing and sincere, in her usual childish demeanour. He knew she had been through horrible things, her mother being killed in her very home and death becoming something so familiar that she could kill without a single thought. Xander knew just how unstable she could seem and how much she made some of the people in their army uneasy. Even Leo disapproved of her and Leo had recruited Niles _AND_ Odin as his retainers. Xander was used to fight alongside Peri. She fought with a pleasure he hadn’t allowed himself to feel on the battlefield, but he knew she would always have his back.

_I hope she’s better today._

She had been really shaken at the idea she might have shown disrespect toward him. All he told her wasn’t enough to calm her tears. And she caught him off guard with those simple words. What were those feelings she mentioned? Admiration? Respect? Companionship? Sympathy? Friendship, maybe?

If Xander was honest with himself, he wished for something more meaningful. Had it been love in her eyes as she tried to defend herself? There was a knot in his throat and he couldn’t focus on the meeting Corrin was presiding.

Leo elbowed him in the ribs and he almost jumped, too lost in thoughts to take notice of what was going on around him.

“Brother, are you feeling alright?” Camilla asked him.

“You seem more preoccupied than usual.” Elise observed.

“It’s nothing, I… lack some sleep,” he lamely excused himself, feeling bad for hiding his true worries. But he couldn’t… Peri was so young in her heart. The very last night, he had told himself he wasn’t ready to see his brother starting a family or any of his sisters marrying and now…

“The attack yesterday has been taxing on everyone.” Corrin agreed with him. “That’s why I think we should hold Camilla’s wedding as soon as possible.”

 Xander blinked and forgot all he’d been wondering about. This was still happening?!

…

“Father won’t approve this.” He warned his brethren.

The whole family had decided the council was turning too personal and they had gathered in Corrin’s room to convince Xander that Camilla had made a good decision. Much to the crown prince’s surprise, everyone was siding with his sister instead of him. Not twelve hours ago, they were agreeing with him that Keaton might not be as harmless as he seemed.

“Father wouldn’t even approve of Azura and me!” Leo retorted.

“Well I don’t approve it, alright? I don’t mean you and Azura, brother, but this wolfskin, after what I’ve seen yesterday… I know Corrin and Camilla trust him, I know that Elise thinks he’s some helpless puppy or something, but…”

“Xander, have you no shame, talking about your future brother-in-law like that?” Elise interrupted him.

“I’d like to have your approval, brother, but I don’t need it to make my decision,” Camilla warned him.

“The other day when they told us, you were happy for Camilla,” Corrin reminded him.

“I was shocked; I couldn’t say no outright! Keaton is a nice man, I’m sure, but could he fit in court? Could he organize an army? He knows more about hunting than warfare!”

Xander hated being seen as the enemy, but even as his brother and sisters shot him glares and frowns, he had to stand his ground. Camilla was right next to him for the crown. She had more chances to be queen than anyone in this room. She was promised to an important place in their army. Garon had always reminded him that should he fail, Camilla would have to step in. Failing didn’t mean dying. So he had trained and he had honed his skills and followed every orders in the hope Camilla would never face this impossible responsibility, to be looking after an entire kingdom. But he knew he might still fail and in such a case, would Keaton support her or bring her down with his antics and childishness?

“If anyone among us should worry about this, it’s you, brother.” Leo declared.

That hurt, because he knew how careful he should be when he would actually choose a wife.

“What if I was pregnant with his child as we are speaking? What if I had to marry him, to protect our family honor?” Camilla dared him to counter attack her point.

Everyone turned to her, Leo looking bewildered at the idea while Elise blushed and Corrin stared, her mouth agape. Xander couldn’t think at first, he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Would Camilla joke about something like this?

“Just one minute.”

He walked out of the room that stayed silent despite his departure, Camilla surprised to see how everyone around her were still shocked. Xander waltzed right back in, pushing Jakob and Felicia in front of him.

“I need you two to examine my sister right now. One man’s life depends on what you’ll find.”

The maid tripped on her feet and the butler caught her swiftly, exchanging a questioning look with his master. Corrin raised her shoulders, shaking her head, baffled. Camilla clenched her fists and declared with a cold tone:

“This won’t be necessary. I’m not pregnant, Xander. Not yet anyway.”

The blush that followed was unanimous, while the domestics ran out, realizing why they had been summoned.

“Oh my gosh, you scared me there Camilla. You’ve got to warn a girl. I was already seeing myself as an auntie!” Elise exclaimed.

Leo ran one hand over his face, sighing deeply.

“This isn’t getting us nowhere. There’s been couples forming all around camp, I think with all the life and death situations going on and the promiscuity, there’s no getting around it.” The younger prince stated.

“But…!”

“What would be so wrong with any of us marrying whom we want,” Corrin added. “We’re all adults here, Xander. Father has controlled everything else about our lives. You can’t deny this to Camilla.”

“I’m not trying to make her miserable, I just need to be sure she’s thought this through.”

“You think I’d be foolish for this kind of decision?!”

He gritted his teeth, noticing how hurt the wyvern rider sounded. His concerns were coming out all wrong. But he remembered how Keaton had put himself between his sister and him. How possessive the wolfskin had been.

“I barely have the time to see any of you growing up and now you’re all ganging up on me...”

_Asking for a freedom I might never have._

Was he jealous? His eyebrows and shoulders sagged and his eyes darkened. He couldn’t be jealous. He had been born first to protect them. To face hardships in their stead. To lead the way and govern and supply and… Was he failing already? Would Garon hurt any of them if he were to fail? How many times had Garon threatened either one of them to have him doing his bidding? He barely remembered a loving, dotting father. He’d took up the role for every of them, without even noticing what he was doing… and losing Camilla now was more than he could take. What was a big brother supposed to be without his siblings?

“Xander… I won’t disappear or anything.”

But her wolf man would never live in the city, not the way he was. And being the dotting, caring woman she was, she would live wherever her husband lived, even in a dark cave. He realized how selfish he was to her and braced himself. A big brother wasn’t supposed to show weakness.

“Of course you won’t. I’m... I’d never think any man was worthy of my sister. But you’re the best to know what you need and who you’re worth.”

“Well said, brother.”

Camilla gave him a warm smile and even hugged him, even if he tried to avoid her. He wasn’t sure he could endure any tenderness and keep a straight face. He hated himself for going tense, but he couldn’t relax and refrain the fears at the same time.

“You just need to find your own girl, Xander.” She tried to cheer him, knowing that he was down even if he put on a tough face.

But Leo’s words were still too fresh. The woman he’d bound himself to would be a queen. It couldn’t be just anyone, even if love was involved. If that meant protecting his siblings again, he would go through it. But the idea of having a queen he couldn’t care about…

“Just don’t worry about me. You have a wedding to plan.”

…

Corrin didn’t let him leave with the others, insisting he sat at her table and drank some tea with her. He tried many excuses, but for the nth time, his sister won. They all did. A mere sip down her cup and she was interrogating him.

“What has you so worked up? You looked close to tears at some point.”

“Oh please! It’s just… fatigue.”

“Xander, I know you. Maybe not as well as Camilla does, but there’s something on your mind that isn’t this war we’re fighting or Camilla’s wedding.”

“I’ve taken soldiers to the front before, for weeks and months. Consecutive weddings never occurred in my armies.”

“Because Garon prohibited it and because you had hundreds of soldiers... We’re not even thirty people against the whole world, Xander. We need to keep each other alive. Of course some bonds are going to develop. Even you are getting closer to some people. You listen more to Leo than you ever did.”

“I’m not marrying him, Corrin.”

He should have seen where she was taking him. He shouldn’t have been caught off guard as she continued:

“But what about Peri? You never let her out of your sight.”

His eyes widened, but to his merit, he didn’t blush.

“That’s… She’s my retainer! And as the crown prince, I can’t marry just anyone, even if I wanted to.”

“You’re not using that crap against yourself Xander. We can stand up to father. If you like Peri…”

He didn’t like Peri. Like wasn’t the right word for what he felt. But he didn’t want father to know. He couldn’t create another chip in his armor. Iago might try something if he learned…

“I’ve heard enough!”

He got up, stomping to the door, Corrin calling after him to no avail. If trying meant losing Peri, he’d rather have her just as a retainer for the rest of his life.

…

“Our big brother is conflicted.” Camilla deduced as Felicia was twisting her lilac hair into a difficult hairdo.

“He’s acting like a big idiot, yes!” Elise rephrased it, braiding a lock.

“You’re sure you want to wear this dress instead of your armor?” Corrin asked again.

“Yes, darling. Why?”

“It’s just… so not revealing compared to your usual style.”

Camilla laughed so hard, her hair fell from Felicia’s clumsy fingers.

“I’m so sorry, my lady!”

“It’s fine, dear, it’s fine, I think Elise can manage. Why don’t you sit down for a bit?”

The pink haired maid accepted the offer and Elise kept on her work, pulling too hard every now and then. Corrin was impressed by how patient Camilla could be about this.

“I think all Xander needs is a push in the right direction.” The eldest of the sisters suggested. “He’s been lonely for so long, always apart from us, commanding people.”

“You seriously think you can get Peri to dress up a bit tonight?” Felicia wondered. “She’s such a tomboy.”

“She’s still a noble lady, even if it’s from lower circles. And when she’s not sobbing or enjoying killing people, she’s almost as cute as me.”

“Elise! We don’t want Peri to look cute. She must be gorgeous tonight!”

“Don’t forget that Laslow could try to go after her. He’s still single.” Corrin warned them.

“I heard he promised his heart to some girl in a foreign land. All this flirting and for what?”

“I guess he misses her,” Felicia sighed.

The ladies understood but kept to themselves.

“I’m sure Laslow could be distracted.” Camilla continued. “And even if Xander doesn’t have the nerve to dance with Peri, as long as he sees her, he’ll know what he’ll be missing on. He won’t have a choice anymore.”

“I could dare him to dance with her.” Elise chuckled.

“Oh, perfect! And I’ll dare Leo to dance with Azura. That is sure to be hilarious!”

 _Sometimes, I wonder if we’re not a little too hard on our brothers,_ Corrin mused.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

My every dark sides

Chapter 3

The ceremony was kept simple and it was a blessing. Keaton was so nervous he almost messed up his vows. Marriages weren’t such a big deal in his tribe, but since Camilla looked delighted, he was ready to give it his best. Soon enough the rings were exchanged and a single, chaste kiss was made in front of the cheering crowd of family and comrades.

“Congratulation to the newlyweds!” Corrin cheered to kick off the celebration.

Music was played by a band recruited by Elise herself and soon, everyone was dancing to the simple but sweet music. Lazlow stole Azura for an entire dance, giving everyone a show, until the blue haired princess walked up to Leo, who looked embarrassed beyond words to be dragged to the dance floor. Xander shared a dance with every of his sisters, Camilla first, then Elise and finally Corrin. He was almost content when he noticed Peri standing back, dressed in a silvery gown, with her hair let down. Her cleavage wasn’t daring, but compared to the usual armor going up her neck, this was a real change. She was scanning the crowd intently and when her eyes fell on him, her whole face brightened.

_She looks so sweet._

“Lord Xander!”

“Peri… You… look amazing.”

“Ahah, you really like it? You do?”

She twirled on herself, biting her lower lip and smiling and blushing and… Gods!

“I do like that look on you.” He managed to say as smoothly as he could. He wouldn’t lose his countenance tonight. He’d just enjoy her company and…

“Maybe I should try acting my age tonight.” She clasped her hands in front of her and looked up to him expectantly. “Milord Xander.” She curtsied and for a moment he thought she would fall right on her face, but she righted herself with grace and then he remembered he should be acting properly and gave her a small reverence himself.

“Lady Peri.”

“Oh my gosh, don’t call me like that milord! It makes the butterflies in my tummy go the size of birds!”

She plastered one hand over her mouth, realizing she’d just revert to her childish way of talking.

“I apologize, I…” he started to be interrupted once more.

“No, lord Xander, it’s fine, I mean… huh… It’s dandy… Oh dammit! You don’t care about fancy words, you’re sure?”

He nodded and she seemed to regain all her lost confidence, her eyes shining as she dared to ask him:

“How about a dance with me then?”

He could have hit himself for letting her do the asking, but he complied whole-heartedly.

Sitting next to Silas, Corrin watched over them, hoping her brother would permit himself this kind of happiness more often.

“I had no idea Peri knew how to dance.”

“It wasn’t easy, but Jakob and I gave her a crash course.”

“What?! How come you never told me _you_ could dance?”

“Huh, well you never asked…”

“Why aren’t _we_ dancing?”

Her hand was in his before she could think it through. Corrin had been careful not to show any preference for a peculiar soldier while in public. She was best friends with Silas right now. She had no idea if that was going anywhere else. But tonight, she wanted to feel something else than the constant worrying for the war. Camilla was laughing and dancing with Keaton. Xander was making Peri twirl and Arthur had convinced Effie in leaving the buffet for at least one dance. Someone’s dress might catch on fire spontaneously and Arthur would be the only one burned, but she hoped all would be for the best, at least for tonight.

…

“It’s my first time dancing for real.” Peri admitted.

“Is that so? You’re doing good for a first-timer.”

“It’s only because you lead well. You always lead well.”

“I guess I must take your words on that…”

Somehow, he wouldn’t have believed it if it had been anyone else.

“Yup! Dancing or fighting or country leading, I guess it’s all really close.”

Xander gave her a dashing smile and she felt overwhelmed. Looking down and focusing on her feet, she managed to step right on his toes.

“I didn’t mean that…!”

“I know you didn’t. And it’s fine. You don’t have to be nervous, Peri.”

“I can’t help it. I only asked for one dance and…”

“If you’re tired…”

“NO, I mean, no…”

The music softened and Peri tried to merged herself into the waltz, falling silent but having trouble holding Xander’s gaze. There was a mix of shyness and anxiousness in her heart. She had counted the dances. Three so far, only with her in lord Xander’s arms. It surely didn’t mean anything, but she still felt giddy inside. He led her in a gentle way, adapting his pace to hers. They moved well together, used to guess the other’s next move by all the time spend sparring or fighting side by side. At some point, she pulled him closer to her, needing to feel his warmth. Xander missed a step, tensing at first, but he then adjusted the waltz to something slower, letting her settle her head next to his chest. If the music had to stop right now, he didn’t know if he’d let go of her. Looking around him, he found Corrin staring right back. She winked at him and he gulped down. All of his siblings knew.

“Is this your heart, lord Xander?” Peri asked him.

Her voice was small, almost as small as she felt in his arms.

“What?”

“It goes so fast. Not as fast as mine I bet, but…”

She moved his hand higher in her back to let him sense her own heartbeat. It went at a thundering beat and his head went a little above the clouds as he noticed he could brush her skin with his thumb. It felt soft and warm and she shivered in his arms.

“Maybe we should stop. Are you dizzy?” he inquired.

“Just a bit.”

He kept one arm around her waist until she was seated and agreed to seat next to her, although he couldn’t get any friendlier than that he reminded himself. The celebration was informal and he couldn’t spot Camilla anywhere, neither her brand new husband.

_Those two must be together. I really don’t want to think about that._

“You’ll try the meat pie?” Peri asked, offering him a slice.

“Certainly.”

He’d never tasted that particular recipe, but the surprise resided in the fact Peri had made it herself, crust and meat and all.

“I didn’t know you cooked…”

“My mom used to and I picked up most of her recipes. I hadn’t cooked in a while, but Lazlow got me to remember…”

“Did he?”

Despite himself, Xander felt a pang of jealousy. Of course, both of his retainers would spend time together, but... If they talked about such intimate subjects as her passed mother… How close were they?

“Do you like it?”

“The pie you mean? It’s the best I’ve ever tasted!”

Her cheeks flushed and she looked doubtfully at him.

“You’re just trying to make me happy.”

“Why would I do that? Peri, I mean it.”

She let out a giggle and looked away before to sneak a glance back at him.

“I could cook for you as your retainer if you wanted.”

“I’d like that. But you shouldn’t push yourself.”

She nodded, humming to herself.

…

“You want me to jump?!”

“If you want me to tell you everything, it’s the only way…”

“But…”

“Do you trust me, Leo?”

“I do. But this… is this really trust and not mere suicide? You’ve always been pessimistic, Azura. You don’t like this war and you don’t think we can survive, so you…”

“Please, please, Leo, I’ll go first, it’s the only way to have me talk.”

They had danced and spent the whole night together. Leo had never felt better in his life. He had been scared when he understood what he was feeling. He’d never allowed his heart to welcome someone new. He barely remembered the time when Azura was in Norh with him. And being around her, being able to make her smile, it was a lot more than all he’d hoped for in his dark future. Being the middle child, too late to inherit any serious responsibility but too early to be truly cuddled, he had always tried to fend for himself and show he could be more than what his father expected. But his father expected nothing and never glanced at him. Azura brought him peace. She brought him her soothing songs.

At some point during the night of celebrations, her eyes had become distant and Leo had wondered what dark thoughts she could have. For the first time, he’d dared to ask her. And now they were standing on the edge of the bottomless canyon, a place close to the bogeyman in Norh’s culture.

 “If it was named right, there will be no danger.” She tried to reassure him.

“I… Would it help you, telling me about all you can’t tell me here?”

“It would alleviate my burden, Leo. I promise we’ll be back to camp tomorrow.”

He wasn’t sure if he believed her. But stranger things had proved real, like Corrin being able to turn into a dragon. Azura was a realistic in everything else, she wouldn’t make promises that she couldn’t keep.

Their fingers intertwined as he made up his mind.

“Alright. I’ll go with you.”

…

“Ca… Camilla…”

Keaton had been happy kissing her and holding her until her hands slipped beneath his shirt. With her reaction the other day, he didn’t feel entirely bashful. But her skin on his skin was lighting a fire in his veins.

“Yes?”

“What… are you doing?”

“Undressing you, dear.”

She had already opened his over shirt and was working on his remaining buttons.

“So we’re…”

She scratched behind his ears, drawing a deep rumble from his throat.

“Unless you don’t want us to have our wedding night tonight.”

“I… I really want it. But there’s… what if we make a baby?” he asked, his ears lowered.

He didn’t really want anything to stop but Camilla paused, taken aback. She was half lying on him, her husband getting shyer as she was bolder. He linked their hands, worried she’d back out on the whole wedding. Of course, he wouldn’t think about it until now! Camilla hadn’t really worried about that question, but even she knew that Keaton wasn’t entirely human. Babies could happen. Not… entirely human babies? She wondered if she was supposed to give birth to four or five of them instead of one and pushed the thought away. She wanted to focus on him right now. To feel him, to kiss him, to prove herself being with him would be good.

Keaton sat straighter before pulling her on his lap. She didn’t oppose him, settling between his long legs and leaning her side on his chest. His heart was beating fast beneath her fingers. He smelled like pines and mountains. He curled up around her as she bent her neck to see his face. His red eyes felt too serious, and even then, she could see the love in them. He loved her enough to worry, when he never worried about anything. Camilla grabbed his chin and kissed him long and hard, unable to distinguish her moans from his. His arms felt possessive around her. His fingers flexed in her neck, tugging on her dress. He wanted her all right. She liked the feeling she had, of being in control. She didn’t want to be scared. She tugged on his lower lip, running her nails along his arms.

“Don’t do that to me,” he pleaded. “Not if I must restrain myself.”

She blushed furiously as he moved away from her, holding her at arm’s length, his expression almost haggard. So they would have to talk first. Giving more time for her other fears to overwhelm her. She churned on her lip, feeling too warm. Staring at him was distracting. There was something in his eyes, something in the way he held his mouth that got to her. She looked away.

“I can already tell we’re perfectly compatible. So the question is… have there been other matches like us?”

He gave her an apologizing look, his arms falling to his sides. The spots where his hands had been touching her shoulders suddenly felt cold. She wondered if she was imagining things.

“Yeah. It’s rare, but it still happens every now and then. Although usually, the human is a man and the wolfskin female.”

Camilla sat back, crossing her arms over her ample chest. Keaton’s eyes took a few seconds to focus on her face, but she didn’t hold it against him. She had a distracting body, clothed or not. It was only fair when he managed to be this hot without even trying.

“I’ve always wanted a family. Although now isn’t really the time, I know we could make arrangements.”

“Camilla… I love babies. And having a family with you is part of my plan. But… I’m worried something bad could happen.”

“Like what?”

“A human’s pregnancy lasts for…” he took the time to count on his fingers. “…nine full months, right?”

“Yes, otherwise, there can be complications. Wait… How long are your women pregnant?”

“About four months, sometimes less.”

His ears were almost parallel to his neck and he shook his head, annoyed by this obvious difference.

“So the baby should develop faster, is that it?”

Couldn’t it be simple? _Please let it be simple._

“I… I don’t know. Sometimes, the pregnancies with human’s fathers last longer than ours.”

“How much do you know Keaton? You’re the only wolfskin I know.”

“I’m not the chief of my tribe.”

“With your sense of orientation, that doesn’t surprise me!”

“Hey! I don’t get lost… Just…”

“Keaton, do you know what would happen to me if I get pregnant?”

“I wish I did. Then I’d know what to do and what not to do.”

He looked ready to pout and she had to stifle a laugh. The question was important and she should have been scared. But the fact he worried about her future, the fact he even thought about it meant so much, knowing how carefree he could be.

“What would you want to do?”

He blinked, before to look her up and down and blush.

“I can’t say it.”

“Oh come on. I’m a big girl.”

“A woman, Camilla.” He corrected her, a smile growing on his face. And to her own surprise, the smile was almost wicked. “A gorgeous woman. And mine.”

“Keaton… I don’t want to wait until we know. I might not even get pregnant.”

He was pretty sure she would. They had no control over nature after all.

“If I hurt you, I…”

She interrupted him with her mouth right on his, willing to see where the night might take them. For all they knew, they could die the very next day and never have another chance at really being together.

“So you’re fine with…”

“Keaton please. This is already nerve wrecking enough for me.”

He stole a kiss from her at that confession, going soft and sweet on her. His shaking shoulders let her know how equally nervous he was. Slowly, they tamed both of their fears, stroking through their clothes. She removed both of his shirts as he undid her hair and tangled her locks and braids. Soon he took control, although he warned her he had no idea what he was doing. Laughs and moans and kisses filled the night. Acting on pure instinct, he slowly undressed her, without tearing any fabric or thread. His first caresses were shy on her shivering skin. There were a few awkward moments, but Camilla would remember them fondly, as they learned to be together in the most intimate way.

Keaton was eager, but also really attentive to her pleasure or displeasure. He held her through the passing but tremendous pain, urging her to relax, to rely on him. She was gripping to his shoulders for sanity, leaving marks on his white skin.

“You’re with me, Camilla. Just… stay with me.”

It felt natural to give herself up and trust him, because she knew they were the same deep inside. He kept holding her through every following wave of bliss, his eyes always locked with hers. His boyish smile afterwards filled her with more love, as if there was still something empty in her heart despite all he’d given her.

Still panting, unable to kiss properly, feeling oversensitive and too close and almost not close enough at the same time, they cuddled together. Camilla couldn’t believe what her father had forced her to watch was the norm. Not if Keaton could make her feel like that.

“I love you,” Camilla sighed blissfully.

“I adore adore adore you.” He whispered against her neck, sending new shivers through her body.

She couldn’t worry. Not now. Maybe she’d never worry again.

…

“I swear, you’re radiant, milady,” Arthur told her.

Camilla smiled, _feeling_ radiant. Xander had looked so relieved when he saw her eating breakfast with the other girls in the mess hall. As if she could have vanished in the night. He was slightly worried though, for Leo and Azura had vanished, but Corrin had tempered his urges to rush after them, clearly knowing something he didn’t.

Not being in charge didn’t suit him. He sat down between Lazlow and Niles, acknowledging each with a mere head sign. He missed something he couldn’t quite remember. Last night, he had ended up walking Peri back to her barracks. For a rare time, Xander had wanted to act selfishly, had wanted to forget his princely duties and just be himself. Peri had waited a bit before to walk back in, looking at him and only him. What did she see in him? He’d wanted to ask. He could see the stars in her eyes and her long hair were curling at the ends, all pushed on the left side of her head, leaving her neck slightly more exposed. She had looked delicate and also…

Beautiful. His arms felt empty without her. He’d wanted to dance again, without any music. He even dreamed of her as if it wasn’t enough. And last night…

_I passed up on a really good chance._

And what for?

“Hello everyone!”

Peri was in the kitchen this morning, she walked into the dining room carrying a large cauldron. Despite her frame, she carried the monstrous piece of metal filled with warm porridge all around the place to fill up everybody’s plate. Jakob, Mozu and Felicia helped her, although the last one dropped most of the porridge she tried to distribute. After tripping on her feet and almost burning Lazlow’s face, she ran out on them, ashamed of herself.

“The poor thing.” Niles sighed. “She always tries so hard.”

Xander saw his retainer nodding, his eyes fixed on the door through which the clumsy maid had just disappeared.

Corrin nudged Lazlow in the shoulder:

“You should go and make sure she’s okay. I heard she broke a dozen more plates yesterday. She could use some cheering up.”

Lazlow frowned, but after a little more coaxing, relented and got up, leaving his bowl of porridge untouched. Corrin sat next to her brother, a smirk on her face.

“Are you playing matchmaker, sister?” Xander asked slyly.

“If I was, you would be settled already, big brother. Although I heard you were head over heels for Peri yesterday.”

“Who told you that?” he almost barked back, feeling invaded by the very idea people had been watching them. Although he’d done nothing wrong and it was sure people would see them dance together.

“I did,” Elise said, sitting in front of them. She was carrying Camilla’s bouquet with her, the bouquet she had _caught_ despite the fact Selena really wanted it.

Xander eyed the bouquet as he would a mortal enemy, pursing his lips.

“You’re too young to get married, sister.”

“Oh really? Did I tell you that Kaze doesn’t want me as his girl, but as his wife, Corrin?” Elise whispered just high enough to be heard by both of her siblings.

“He _what_?!”

“Are you going to react like that every time? I could get a proposal too you know.” Corrin chided him.

That caught everyone’s attention and Xander realized he was overreacting a bit. But thinking that Camilla had just… And now Elise?!

“So I’m an overprotective big brother… Is it really news to you guys?” he asked around, managing to get a few laughs from their comrades.

Leo and Azura walked in a few minutes later, both looking pale and tired, as if they hadn’t slept at all. Everybody was pretty much expecting them to come out and admit they were together anytime now. Xander was starting to wonder if something was wrong with him. Was he imagining the obstacles between Peri and him?

“Had a good time, my prince?” Niles teased Leo.

“Enlightening, actually. But I’m starving!”

 “I’ll bring you a plate,” Mozu offered, running off to the kitchen.

“You don’t have to rush and serve him like that,” Niles objected.

“I’m just helping out. I doubt Peri has eaten anything since she got up and Jakob has enough job on his hands, having to clean behind Felicia all the time.”

“Make sure she doesn’t hear you saying that,” Corrin warned her.

Mozu placed Leo’s plate in front of him, earning herself an appreciative smile. She dried some sweat from her forehead with her sleeves and motioned to get back to the kitchen, but Niles’ tanned arm brought her to sit in his lap.

“Take a break before you drop, Mozu.”

“I’m fine, I’m not sick, Niles.”

“Indulge me. Please.”

Niles wasn’t one to worry in public, at least not for his wife. Those two made a funny pair, Mozu being serious and trustworthy while Niles was always… _himself_.

“If something’s wrong, I could give you a check up, Mozu,” Elise suggested.

“It might comfort this big oaf.”

“Big what?!”

Xander moved to the side, giving the couple some space. All those lovely couples were just reminding him what he lacked. He finished his porridge quickly and went off to train, passing Keaton on the way. The wolfskin was dragging some animal’s corpse.

“What is it that you got here Keaton?”

“Dinner. I hunted it for Camilla. She’s gonna need some good meat.”

He had his usual smile plastered on his face, but Xander decided he didn’t want to know more. Because there seemed to be some implied meaning and dinner was enough for him. As long as his sister was happy.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

“Lady Corrin?”

The young woman opened her door to Mozu, surprised to see Niles standing next to his wife, watching over her like a mother hen.

“How can I help you guys?”

“Well, it’s good news actually, but… It depends on how you see it.” Mozu started, fidgeting a bit with her hands.

“Do you want to come inside?”

They settled around her table with some tea and Niles delivered the news.

“Mozu’s with child. She can’t join the battlefield until the birth.”

“Oh, well, congratulations guys!”

“But I could still fight! Especially if we’re short on people. I know Effie is really advanced and cannot even wear her armor, but I barely have any symptoms yet and…”

“Mozu, I know you want to be of use, but you mustn’t put yourself or your unborn child in harm’s way.” The princess objected.

“Thank you Corrin for being reasonable.”

“Niles, please, try to understand me.” The young girl turned to Corrin, quickly adding: “If he doesn’t come back from the fights, I don’t know what I’ll do…”

“He’ll come back. We haven’t lost anyone yet and I intend on keeping that record, Mozu. I’ll look after him myself if he plays the lone wolf.”

It took a little more convincing, but soon, Mozu agreed to stay back. Niles seemed reassured, until later, when Arthur reminded him that whenever they left for battle, only a handful of fighters were staying back in the castle. Everybody was surprised how caring Niles was, but he was simply afraid to lose his budding family.

Corrin had more comforting to do in the following days, until new orders from Garon arrived. They packed and marched toward their target, Corrin hoping she could resolve this new conflict peacefully. Silas stayed by her side, not as optimistic as her, but ready to dry her tears if things went bad. They faced a few skirmishes on their way, but nothing unmanageable. Keaton and Camilla were inseparable, sharing a tent. Only married couples were authorized to do so and Xander still shared his own tent with Lazlow, while Peri slept with either Felicia or Corrin. Elise was learning magic with Leo, wanting to help in other ways than healing. Most everyone had reached a new class and were familiarizing themselves with new weapons. Xander had focused so hard on training with swords that he had fallen behind with the lances. Peri sparred with him at least once a day, claiming that without reach, he’d meet an untimely end on the battlefield.

He could tell she was pushing herself. They were all pushing themselves. He hadn’t involved himself in the idea. It was part of his duty to be harder with himself than the rest of his people. He couldn’t fail yet. Not until he was done with his duty.

They were ordered to conquer a particularly resistant city. Although little people were left for death usually, their opponents fell, proving too dangerous to be left alive. If it wasn’t enough, Corrin’s troops were outnumbered. Xander could barely keep an eye on his brother and sisters’ movements. He trusted them, but he still worried. He rushed his steed left and right, holding the line. Peri stayed close to him.

“I think we can break through their ranks,” she suggested him, impaling someone on her lance and shoving his corpse to the side.

There was a smile on her face as she battled mercilessly and Xander felt something sour in the back of his throat. His sword parried and pierced armors and limbs. His horse trampled people. Their battlefield was covering the city and a forest, streets and meadows filled with brigands and mercenaries alike. For once, they were almost as strong as their little army. For once, the fight wore on them, corpses aligning. Elise, Jakob and Felicia were running all over their ranks, healing people. Benny carried Charlotte on his back and Corrin was on Silas’ horse, waving her swords through people although it broke her heart to take anyone’s life.

Camilla was in the sky, raining down thunder spells, her husband always close to her, either running in her wyvern’s shadow or just rushing through people to keep up with her. Xander evaded an archer’s shot and charged. Peri didn’t have the space to follow, but he wasn’t overly worried. He had trained for such worst-case scenarios. The ringing in his sword arm was familiar. The rush in his veins told him he was invincible. And he felt invincible. Although he wasn’t. His horse slipped on some piece of armor. For an instance, Xander struggled for balance. One weapon master grabbed the opportunity. A dart went through the air and his armor didn’t resist. He felt the blade in his side. His ribs against the cold metal. He almost let go of his sword, but there was too much adrenaline left in his system. He couldn’t fail like that.

A war cry came out of his throat as he took every threat around him. He saw a brown horse and blue hair in the corner of his eyes. Noticed the fact twice his body count was accumulating and realized that Peri was backing him up. But the blood was seeping from his wound. He tried to keep his hold on the reins. To blink away the pain.

“Milord!”

His face turned whiter as he fell from his mount. He let go of Siegfried and barely managed not to impale himself on any of the weapons lying on the ground.

Was he failing ? Why was he still wondering about something like this when… Peri jumped off her horse and rushed to his side.

“My lord!”

The ninja knife was deeper in his side then he’d thought. He struggled to right himself and gritted his teeth. The pain was running all throughout his body.

“I need to get back up.”

“You need to get treatment, dummy!”

He could have laughed at that puerile insult if the pain wasn’t growing. He held the knife in place, every movement a torture, the blood coating his fingers. He’d never remember losing so much blood and he could tell his retainer was working hard not to collapse in a panic next to him. Peri pulled him up, careful to avoid touching his wounded side. He had to lean heavily on her and it was only with the help of her mount that she hoisted him on the saddle in a precarious position.

“Per…”

“Don’t speak, lord Xander,” she snapped. “I’m getting you out of here.”

The fight still raged on and Peri had trouble deciding what would be best for her prince, rushing through enemy ranks to regroup with potential friendly healers or just getting away from all the commotion. She couldn’t really fight back and keep Xander on her horse. The prince was on his good side, gripping at the horse’s mane with his free hand, the other still applying pressure to his wound. He couldn’t remember if he carried any vulnerary with him. His mind felt hazy and the jolts from the slow trot from Peri’s horse were each a new torture. When she finally pulled the reins to a stop, he felt too weak to even align two coherent words.

The dart had been covered with poison. It was ruining his entire system. She helped him down as best as she could and Xander couldn’t remember everything clearly from there. She had called out his name on a soft voice, hoping no enemy would spot them. She’d forced him to stay awake and cried at some point, since the blood was starting to remind her of her passed away mother.

“Be safe, be safe.”

In the fog of pain, Xander could only listen and feel. Peri’s hands on his feverish skin. The crown circlet falling from his head. Tearing in his muscles, in his flesh and his boiling blood, his mind freezing. He wanted to be concerned for his retainer. He wanted to comfort her. But he fainted. When he woke up, his sisters were all over him, Elise crying as she mended his wound while Felicia was working on removing the remaining poison. Camilla looked half furious, half relieved.

“How could you rush in like that?!” Corrin asked him, kneeled next to his cot.

“I…”

“You shouldn’t talk milord. You should rest and…” the pink-haired maid warned him.

Strangled sobs behind all of them caught his attention and he noticed blue hair with red strands. Leo was trying to escort Peri outside. Guilt tug at his heart for putting the poor girl in that state.

“I’m… okay…” Xander sighed, his voice coming out in whimpers and shakes.

“You most definitely are not!” Camilla protested. “Your face was almost green when we caught up to you!”

“Peri got you far from the enemy, but we almost didn’t find you in time.”

The sobs got stronger and Leo hissed at Corrin’s wrong choice of words.  Xander tried using his arms to raise himself up but it was no use, three pair of hands already pushing him back down. His strength he had worked so hard on was fleeting and he’d rarely felt so helpless. He wanted to protest, to warn his brother not to leave Peri in her state, but he couldn’t talk, could barely breathe with all the attention his siblings were giving him.

“Sleep, big brother.”

…

The next time Xander woke up, he felt a lot better. Laslow was looking over him, humming to himself while he gazed out the castle’s window. The prince moved as slowly as possible but barely manage to sit up before that his retainer had noticed his stirring.

“Milord!”

“For your own sake, Laslow, you’ll let me up and out of this bed!”

“Whoa there. I’m just following orders. You gave everyone quite a scare.”

Xander felt light-headed, although he could tell every of his limbs were reacting normally again and the various aches were gone.

“Have I been out for long?”

“Three days. Corrin went in the astral ream a dozen time to find a shortcut to the castle grounds.”

Xander sighed. His sister must have been blaming herself. And he was famished.

“Did anything happen?”

The grey-haired myrmidon shook his head.

“Things have been quiet. No invasions or anything.”

“Great… Would you mind fetching some food for me?”

It took Xander another day to get back on his feet. Most everyone had visited him at one point or another during his convalescence but he hadn’t seen Peri since the day of the battle. He’d been told that she had been consoled by Laslow and despite his relief at the idea she wasn’t crying anymore over him, he couldn’t help the jealousy he felt. The young woman was cute and he knew his other retainer wasn’t the kind to overlook cute girls. Unlike him.

The crowned prince spent his entire day avoiding everyone. He wasn’t used to be cuddled or looked after. Not after all the training he’d been through. He was a conqueror, he was virtually invincible and now everyone around the camp knew he had been stopped by a single kunai. The very thought drove him mad, although he had been pushing himself. But that was part of his role. He knew Corrin had done everything possible to keep this from their Father. But it didn’t prevent him from feeling like a failure.

Which was why he set himself to train from daybreak till nightfall. And through the entire night, he kept training, hard and steadily, to drill back in his bones the endurance he must have lost. The moon was high in the sky when someone called out his name. He recognized her voice instantly, but ignored her. He needed to stay focused. Both of his arms were burning and most of his muscles were begging for mercy. He was over-exerting himself. If he kept at it, he might even throw up, but he didn’t care. He had been weak and weakness wasn’t tolerated. His spirit was fighting a losing battle against his body, a body he had honed and pushed beyond its limits so many times already. He was too young to falter. Too young to accept his limits. Peri used her lance against him, but he parried her attack.

“If you want to spar…”

“You can’t spar. You shouldn’t train any more than you already did, milord.”

He gulped hard through his ragged pants and lowered his sword, shocked that Peri would ever sound more sensible than him.

“I might… have overworked myself here. But I could still take you on.” He teased her.

“Right now, I’d rather know you’re not trying to catch a cold. You’re all covered in sweat.”

Xander was taken aback by this more mature Peri. He sheathed his sword and ran one nervous hand through his hair. He was drenched in sweat and only wearing a shirt and a pair of breeches. Usually he would train in full armor, but not tonight, not when he wanted to pay in sweat and pain for all the worry he’d inflicted on his siblings.

“I guess I should head to the baths.” He sighed.

Peri blinked and frowned. This wasn’t going according to her plan.

“I… The night is a bit fresh, maybe you shouldn’t rush and just relax.”

She fidgeted with her fingers and bit her lower lip, clearly nervous.

“Peri, are you… faring well?”

“Just peachy, lord Xander.”

The title made his throat tighten and he remembered how shaken she had been when he’d gotten hurt. Her hands on his shoulders, clutching at him…

“Would you…”

He wanted her to relax around him, but it seemed she still took away his self-confidence. He couldn’t follow his instincts. Couldn’t allow himself to feel or to reach out to her.

“Come with me, milord. I know just the place where you could relax.”

It was a spur of the moment decision. Her small hand wrapped around his wrist and Peri dragged him out of their camp. Xander followed, too surprised to resist her. Her path leaded them inside woods that opened on a beautiful lake. The moon was shining above them, its rays gently reaching through the threes’ foliage. Grass was moving with the breeze and she halted at the very brink of water.

“You should sit down. Catch your breath. Milord.”

There was something wrong with the way she kept using his title. Something unlike her. And though his breathing slowed back to a normal pace, the crown prince’s heart was beating madly. Peri exuded restlessness. As if something was still broken and she needed to fix it.

She had been terrified at the thought he could have died. She was still terrified, but couldn’t voice it. Not if she was to be rejected. So instead, she had taken him here, away from the camp, away from those who could get between them. It wasn’t right, she wasn’t high enough in the nobility to ever hope that Xander could…

“You’re all tensed up, Peri. It’s late, you should be sleeping.”

“So do you. As your retainer, I should be the one looking after you.”

She didn’t look at him as she spoke, kneeling in front of the water as Xander sat in the grass. She dipped a piece of clothe in the pristine lake, twisting it and turned back to him. He understood that she wanted him to freshen up and held out his hand to use the cloth himself. But she kneeled in front of him, a serious look on her face.

“Can… May I?” she asked, a slight blush flushing her cheeks.

Xander frowned but nodded anyway. When he realized she aimed to wipe the sweat from his face herself, he tensed up. They had fought back to back and skewered people and rode the same horse whenever the battle situation required it, but they had never been this close. Or well, it had rarely felt this intimate. She noticed his unease and gave him a shy smile.

“I’m doing this as your retainer. It’s the least I can do after almost letting you d… die.”

“Pe…”

She wiped her cloth right over his mouth, effectively interrupting him. She looked pale and small, but Xander knew better than to call her fragile.

“It wasn’t your fault. And you know I’m alright.”

Her eyes darkened as she followed his jawline with the cloth, her fingertips brushing against his neck. Xander braced himself, various impulses running through him as she cleaned down his throat, reaching his collarbone. Each gesture was delicate but also deliberate. Her eyes were glued to him, to his exposed skin and he felt a savage need to feel more of her hands, to…

“Peri…”

She jumped, as if she’d just realized what she was doing and hurriedly backed away. But he didn’t let her get far, wrapping his fingers around her hand. He couldn’t remain of stone, not when she was this close, not when she was so clearly interested in him. This was not the child version of Peri. It looked like her, but there was something more, something…

He tackled her to the ground, unable to think, letting his body rule over his brain. Her arms pushed against his chest in pure reflex and she tensed, instantly sobering his actions.

“I’m sorry, that… that was uncalled for.” He apologized, getting off her, his heart filling with remorse.

Peri might sound serious, but she was a child in her heart. Taking advantage of her would be despicable, even if his actions were based of true love and all the care in the world.

“I was just… surprised. You shouldn’t apolo…”

“You caught me off guard.” He cut her off.

“You don’t have to be on guard around me. I’m supposed to protect you.”

The knot in his throat was starting to ache. She sounded so guilty and he’d never thought she’d be this worried about fulfilling the duty he’d gave her. It was a cross Peri didn’t need to bear.

“You didn’t fail me. Don’t beat yourself up over it. If that knife had gone into you, you would have died.”

Her frame was smaller than his and the poison would have taken over way faster.

She lied back, sighing deeply and he let the silence fill his soul, happy that she hadn’t run back to camp already. He had no idea what she could be expecting from him right now. Xander watched her from the corner of his eyes, mentally warning himself not to stare. She was gazing at the stars, her lips mouthing words that she wouldn’t voice out loud. Then she shrieked and literally jumped in his lap, shaking her head.

“What… what’s wrong?!”

“There’s some gross thing… crawling in my hair! Take it away, please, please!”

Her fear of bugs. He should have thought of it when he first pushed her down. While she hid her face against his chest, Xander gently run his fingers through her messy bunches, finding the culprit, a fat centipede that he threw into the water as she yelped in disgust.

“Is it dead?”

“It’s gone.”

He stroked her shivering back, wondering if she saw him as a big brother like his sisters did. He’d never hold any of them like this. He’d never feel this flustered just from feeling their hands clutching on his shirt. Peri took a few shaky breaths, before to run her own fingers through her blue locks. She didn’t move back this time, although he noticed the redness over her cheeks. He felt something warm in his chest and forced a smirk, focusing on her fear.

“I’m surprised you took me here, knowing this place might be crawling with bugs.”

“It was Laslow who showed it to me.”

Ice shards gripped at his heart and his voice was colder when he retorted:

“Did he?”

She looked up, her nose almost brushing against his and her puzzled expression made her all the more endearing. This was downright torture.

“Yup, he did. Is that… wrong?”

“Of course not. Unless he tried anything untoward.”

Her brows frowned and she repeated the foreign word with utter incomprehension.

“What does that mean?”

Xander paled slightly. By feeling overprotective, he was tempting fate and running toward his own deception. Hadn’t he been untoward himself with her? And how could he explain what he feared without traumatizing her if she had no idea what he was talking about?!

“It means… forcing someone to do something they don’t want.”

“Oh, like when Corrin asks me not to kill people?”

Her bright smile could have eclipsed her example if Xander had been less aware. He mentally winced instead.

“No, it’s… Gods, Peri, you’re messing with me.”

He pushed against her shoulders, needing space to think, space to remember that the way this discussion was going, he would be the one trying untoward things on her.

“I’m not, I swear. Why do you always have to use complicated words?”

She grabbed at his hands, looking sad and confused.

_Because I’m scared._

“Are you and Laslow… Would you rather be with him right now?”

This was so straight to the point, he couldn’t believe that she could ignore his feelings anymore. Or was she too naïve and oblivious?

“No! I mean… Unless you keep me in the dark about untoward’s meaning.”

“What I did earlier…”

He was at a loss of words and she seemed to like seeing him floundering more and more.

“What?”

“Pushing you down… That was… That was untoward.”

He hung his head sheepishly. Peri was amazed to see that look on her prince’s face.

“How could it be?! I was shocked at first, but I…”

She clasped her hands around his neck, closing in on him, her smile turning mischievous although she blushed at her own boldness. Xander felt a mix of panic and exhilaration.

Her lips barely brushed against his, a butterfly touch, the ghost of a kiss. It was over with reason and fears and everything! He laid her down and towered above her, slipping one arm beneath her head, his fingers diving between her velvety locks. She shivered between his arms, but her eyes were welcoming, her smile was growing.

“Milord Xander?”

“Only Xander. My sweet, sweet Peri.”

He slowly bent down to steal a real kiss from her, although she gently but firmly pushed him back up.

“Were you jealous of Laslow, Xander?”

He couldn’t help the smile that got on his face at the sound of his name. No title. And still, more reverence then he’d ever heard before in a woman’s voice.

“I may have been. Now I…”

She pushed him back again just as he was leaning down, smirking through her blush.

“You’re still my prince, Xander. I don’t want to… burden you or…”

“There’s no burden. I’ve never felt lighter in my whole life.”

He would kiss her tonight even if he had to die trying!

She had a playful look in her red eyes as she pushed him away for the third time.

“This better be serious. I shan’t be compromised like some farm girl.”

And it was then that Xander realized that she could be as much of a woman as a girl. She needed a real confession.

“I’m… I’m quite fond of you, Peri.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb, eliciting a shiver in her entire body. “More than fond of you.”

“I’d love you, with or without that crown.” She whispered back, removing the dark circlet from his head.

Her hands framed his face and this time there was no interruption. She held him back and clumsily kissed him, tasting sweet and pure despite everything that she was and had been through. Xander hoped this wasn’t a dream as they parted for air and she raised herself to reclaim his lips. When she rolled them over, effectively straddling him, tentatively fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, he was already lost.

“Can I be untoward with you, my lord?” Peri asked him slyly.

He shivered under her touch and decided that any obstacles he could have feared was worth facing if it meant being with her.

“I don’t think you could be. Unless you refuse to become my queen.”

Her hands froze on his chest and she gasped, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I can’t… I just can’t! I may be noble, but…”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else. You wouldn’t deny an entire kingdom, would you?”

She looked shocked and surprised, but also happy and somewhat sad.

“Deny a kingdom? Is this about _Norh_ or about what you want?”

Sitting up as she slid in his lap, he wrapped his arms around her, making sure she wouldn’t look away.

“You want me to be serious, don’t you? I want… I want you to be my wife Peri. I love you too much to let it be any other way.”

“I don’t want to cause you trouble. As long as I have your heart…”

He silenced her with a new kiss, realizing she might have seen just as many obstacles as he did. Her hands crept up on his chest, slowly but with purpose, running along his shoulders until her fingers tangled between his golden locks. He held her like he had always wanted, as if she was the most precious thing on earth. In between kisses, Peri asked him more questions, her words alternating between mature and childish.

“When you recruited me as your retainer… Did you already know then?”

He gave her the truth, telling her his fondness had grown over time, until it bloomed so fully, he couldn’t contain it anymore. Her smile was contagious. The stars in her eyes. Xander had never let himself act like this. Like a teenager in love. A dozen kisses later, he felt far too hot and bothered to trust himself and gently but firmly kept Peri at arm’s length.

“I think this is enough for a first embrace. Or I might force you to face more bugs…”

“And that would be mightily untoward,” she retorted with a smirk.

They slowly got to their feet, reluctant to let go of the other.

“If we part like this, I can’t help but think that this was all a dream, my lord.”

“Is it that hard to only use my name, Peri?”

“It is hard!”

“Try, my dear. Every time you manage to say only my name, it will mean it wasn’t a dream.”

“Are you sure? People will say I disrespect you.”

“Everyone will know that we’re to be married if I can help it. You must have whispered my name a dozen times already.”

“That’s different.” She said, blushing deeply.

He stole a new kiss from her, almost shocked to realize how amazing it was to hold her in his arms. He had dreamed of it, but dreams didn’t even begin to get close to…

Her whine shattered a barrier within him, making his heart ache and soar all at the same time. He was doing this to her. He was the one filling her eyes with twinkles and sparks. And she sighed his name, feeling as intoxicated as him.

“This is no dream,” he swore to her.

Peri gave him a smile that could bring down the heavens, agreeing whole-heartedly with him.

“It’s way better than any dream I’ve ever had.”

It wasn’t until the morning came that Xander realized just how his brother and sisters might take the news.

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

 

Camilla couldn’t wait to get out of the castle grounds for her hunt with Keaton. They were mostly inseparable lately, but her obligations to the others had made it hard to see him outside of battle or their shared quarters. Their room was an expanding cluster of “treasure” Keaton kept gathering. She’d hid them all over the castle for good measures, pretending it was a simple game. But the wolfman had to understand bat’s corpses had nothing to do near his wife. He was so endearing the rest of the time, she couldn’t exactly be mad at him.

Right now, she was simply excited to go out on a hunt with him. He was very peculiar about who to let in on his hunts in the mountain. If anything, she was the first one he’d let accompany him, not matter how much Peri complained about wanting to kill some stuff too.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to do with you for a while now. I hope you’ll like it,” Keaton kept telling her, while refusing to get any clearer as to what he had in mind.

Since his tail was wagging madly, Camilla had a few suspicions.

“Give me a clue, my dear,” she asked, poking him in the side playfully.

“Nuh-huh, although you have to promise you won’t get scared.”

That sounded ominous, even to her, but Camilla offered him her most wicked smile.

“I don’t scare easy, wolfman,” she whispered to him.

She was surprised when he objected to the use of a horse. Not bringing her wyvern sounded alright, but they both knew she couldn’t keep up with Keaton when he shifted into his full beast form. Which he always did when he went hunting. It was common knowledge for everyone in their little army.

At first, their trek was like a stroll. They held hands and talked about all sorts of things. Camilla found herself laughing with him, feeling a bit better despite Xander’s recent poisoning and how she constantly worried about Corrin. Keaton was just enough to take all the bad things away.

It was nearly too soon when they came into view of his favorite hunting grounds and had to cut their chatter as his hunting senses came awake. His eyes shone a deep crimson and he soon halted, tugging on Camilla’s arm to bring her closer to him.

“We need to get much, much deeper into these woods if we want to get good preys. So, here’s my surprise for you. How about a ride on my back?”

His wife blinked once and twice before finding her voice again:

“You mean… Your wolf form’s back?”

“Yup. I can carry you just fine and we’ll be able to run faster than you can imagine.”

The idea was more interesting than she’d thought.

“I guess I have enough experience riding a wyvern not to fall off.”

Keaton’s eyes glinted with something predatory in them, catching her off guard.

“Maybe we should have practiced before. I can give you a quick test ride. But then I’d be too distracted by you to even focus on the hunting.”

She pushed away his playful hands, forcing herself not to blush at the clear underlying meaning to his words. A direct Keaton was still new to her, but he’d grown more bashful over the weeks. And Camilla wasn’t ashamed of the fact she liked it. Quite a lot too.

“Careful, Keat, I can see your tail wagging,” she warned.

“I’m just really excited of sharing my first hunt with my mate,” he declared, his smile innocent again.

“Wife,” she corrected as he shuffled closer to her.

“Mate,” he insisted, arms wrapping around her. “And mine.”

“Now I’m about to be distracted,” she teased, her hand reaching up to cup his jaw.

The kiss came naturally, starting out soft and blooming into frenzied passion that left them both panting.

“I don’t think this is quite prudent,” Keaton warned her.

“What? Kissing your wife?” she asked.

“Out in the open, when I’m itching for a prey. I want to dig my fangs into something.”

“Then why don’t you shift and take me deeper into the forest so we can find you a prey?”

“Won’t you ever be scared around me?”

“You should have learned by now, Keaton.”

He gave her a brief kiss, careful of minding his teeth and started shifting right as they parted. Finding the right way to sit on his back wasn’t as easy as she’d expected, but Camilla climbed on, finding her balance and holding on to his fur.

“Don’t be afraid to pull too hard,” he told her. “I don’t want you falling.”

He nearly leaped into the air and Camilla barely held back her surprised scream. He moved with grace and purpose, never running in a straight line. She could feel his muscles tensing and stretching beneath her thighs and the sensation made her wonder just how exciting riding him could be if she was to accept his earlier offer. She felt like a rookie when it came to her married life, but she was happy to learn. As the wind hit her face, she felt more alive then ever, knowing his heart was beating just as fast as hers.

…

_“You are marrying Peri? After all the harsh words for Camilla’s union and…!”_

_“Leo, please.”_

_Elise was having a hard time refraining herself from smiling._

_“Did you consider the fact she would be a terrible queen for Norh?” Camilla observed._

_“Merely eccentric. And I know I can keep her in check.”_

_“Of all the girls in camp, why her? She didn’t threaten you, did she?” Corrin asked warily._

_“Just the other day you were all insisting on me being honest with myself!” Xander protested._

_“It’s an important decision big brother, we can’t let you take it lightly.” Elise said, using his own words against him._

_At that point, Xander realized what this was all about. His brother and sisters were making sure he wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes with either of them. He had been hard on Camilla. Half a smirk showed on his face._

_“Would you stop messing with me? Peri has been through a lot already and I won’t let her feel aggravated by this little farce. I… I love her and won’t deny myself anymore. Life is too short to spend it in misery.”_

_Elise brought him into a hug at that, effectively interrupting their dispute._

_“I’m so happy for you Xander!”_

_Leo couldn’t help but approve his brother words and felt Corrin’s eyes on him._

_“Dear brother, I think you should have a good talk with Azura and make sure she’s not left out. If Xander is true to himself, you shouldn’t be afraid to come out and say that you two are together.”_

_“Corrin, please…!”_

_Leo blushed furiously despite the soft smile on his face._

That had been what Xander had hoped to see happen with his brother and sisters. But he hadn’t been counting on a visit from Iago himself on the morning he wished to impart the news of his engagement with Peri, the man-slayer. The shady man had barged in the premises unannounced, finding the castle with apparent ease.

Arthur had been the one keeping guard with Felicia at the time, but in an unprecedented set of circumstances, the man had tripped on his own feet, been knocked out by the maid trying to help him back up, and dragged off by Camilla’s wyvern. By the time Camilla and Felicia had found him, Iago was sitting by the fountain. He simply watched over Peri and Mozu as they worked on the weekly army’s laundry. Both ladies were weirded out by the smile plastered on his face and the staring, but they expressed it in very different ways. Peri’s lance arm was itching, and she bumped the counsellor into the foaming water. Which explained why Xander had now to deal with a very pissed off Iago.

“I wanted to check on you all, your father has been worried sick about lady Corrin and the advances of her army. Not to mention… Words have reached the capital that lady Camilla is not single anymore. Is any of that true?”

Corrin was currently sparring with Beruka, Selena and Elise, which put Xander more or less in charge.  Leo was supervising the building of a new store, since the last one had been hit by lightning. Arthur had been working in that store that day, of course…

“I don’t see how that really changes the advances of our army,” the crown prince observed. “Why are you really here?”

Iago’s smile darkened and Xander mentally chided himself for being too direct. Camilla should have been the one to decide whether she wanted to confirm the rumors about her wedding. Although he knew she couldn’t care less about the advice of their father. Hell, he was mentally prepared to put Peri on the throne if that meant he could spent the rest of his days with her. Not that she was any worse than Garon could ever be…

“I merely came as an observer,” Iago assured him. “And I can say, I’m quite worried to see such casual relationship between soldiers and nobility appear. To think any of our princesses would marry a non-human too. But you are all awfully young to be out here on your own. Do you mind if I go over the camp for today, talk a bit with everyone?”

“I am not the one in charge here. Until lady Corrin has given you her permission, I’d rather you stay in the mess hall. Jakob can attend to your needs in the meantime.”

“Most gracious of you, my lord.”

It didn’t take long for Iago to vanish out of the butler’s sight and get down to business. By lunchtime, he graced Corrin with a brief visit, congratulating her for the way she kept her soldiers’ moral strong and unflinching. He took his leave, only for every member of the army to report nasty rumors to their main tactician. Corrin was overwhelmed, until one particular hearsay picked her interest.

“Peri has cursed prince Xander! He’s agreed to marry her apparently, but that’s only because he’s entranced. Who would want anything to do with such a psycho? Even I am more under control, and I nearly punched my Benny this morning,” Charlotte explained to the princess.

Corrin would argue that Charlotte’s short temper was only rivaled by Peri’s murderous intents, but sadly, the rumors hadn’t only reach her ears.

Peri had also heard and received even more weird glances than usual, which first angered her. But it slowly made her worry that her budding dream with Xander was going to vanish like the parallel realms on a rainy day.  The best way to dissipate the misunderstanding was to talk with her fiancé, and she set out to do just that. Finding someone in their camp could prove difficult. She ran past the cemetery, which was still thankfully empty… Lilith was their only loss so far. She walked past Arthur and Effie, ignoring their discussion on probabilities and bad luck, which was a recurring theme for the couple.

She evaded Niles and Mozu who were fighting about something regarding a dirty joke, only to hit Benny square in the chest.

“Big guy, what are you doing standing there in the middle of nowhere…?!”

Benny looked down, lost in thought, his eyes dark and expression grimmer than ever. Peri had to fight her instinct to back up and tapped him on the shoulder, missing her lance even more. She truly needed to kill something before the end of the day, otherwise her nerves wouldn’t take it.

“What’s… wrong… with… you?” she asked, punctuating each word with a slap on his armored shoulders, alternating between left and right.

Benny took a step back, blinking away his stupor.

“Sorry. I was in a daze…”

Peri insisted for a clearer answer, growing threatening enough to make him quiver slightly as he explained:

“That… that man told me Charlotte’s baby was bound to have my ugly face…”

The young retainer rolled her head to the side, shocked by the very notion. Was that how heredi… hereda… _Darn, complicated words!_

“Is that how it works?! Shouldn’t the baby look averagely good? Charlotte is so pretty.”

Benny might be the only one around camp not to take offense as she didn’t defend his features. Nyx was passing by them, on her way from the barracks to the library and rolled her eyes at their petty questioning.

“I don’t know. Laslow said babies usually look more like their father. I don’t think Charlotte will like it much…”

“Charlotte loves you, doesn’t she? Then she must like your face too,” Peri declared.

Benny seemed taken aback, but nodded nevertheless and the young lancer could hurry on her way, still intent on finding something to kill quite soon, but not before she’d talked with her prince. She spotted Xander’s blond head by the training grounds, but before she could get in hearing distance, she saw his brother and sisters gathering around him. And with her next step, she heard the one thing she’d feared more than any traumatic memories since Xander had voiced his intention of marrying her.

“Peri?! You can’t possibly marry that girl. She’s a killing machine!” Leo warned his elder brother.

She could only see one-half of Xander’s face, but he appeared conflicted. An emotion she didn’t like to experience herself and that shouldn’t be on his features. Unless he was having second thoughts about his confession last night? Who wouldn’t have second thoughts? When she acted cute, people usually backed away slowly, with their hands held out. Felicia would break more stuff whenever she was around, and Felicia never broke things because she wanted too. The girl didn’t know how to express her anger, really.

“She’s a good soldier, I’ll give you that Xander,” Corrin started. “But as future queen… Won’t she mindlessly kill every servant that makes a mistake around the castle?”

Peri felt a strange mix of sadness and anger bursting inside of her chest. What was so wrong with killing people? Was it wrong for her to be loved, when everyone else around camp had a right to marry and even start a family? Her father was still alive, but he never gave her the time of the day and she could count on one hand the friends she’d kept over the years. Outside of Laslow and Xander, she wasn’t sure what the others thought of her. But it seemed to be darker than she’d assumed. She would normally block it out or go down in some village and find anything similar to her mother’s murderer to let out the bad feelings. But if it was wrong in the eyes of Xander’s siblings, it wouldn’t help her case at all. She turned on her heels and took off at the quickest pace she could without breaking into a run.

Elise caught a glimpse of blue hair and gasped at the sight, wondering if the concerned lady hadn’t heard their conversation. Xander followed her eyes and swore under his breath.

“When I was ill, you led her to believe she nearly drove me to my death and now you’re…”

Corrin hardened her face, standing her ground.

“Leo and I aren’t trying to hurt Peri. We’re just stating the truth. While Keaton is a bit wild, he wouldn’t hurt a fly unless threatened. Peri will swing her lance around for a single bug!”

“She’s never hurt anyone in our ranks, not even during a training session. She’s…”

Xander had little argument in Peri’s favor outside of his feelings for her. She was rash, but she usually listened to reason. She was intense, but that was only to defend herself from what she’d been through. P for pulverize, E for eviscerate, R for ruin, I for impale. For some reason, he hadn’t been scared the first time she’d presented herself like that. On the contrary, he’d been intrigued. How could a girl so small, with such a sweet face could be called a mindless killer? It made no sense to him, and he knew there was more than meet the eyes when it came to her.

“I love her. She’s crazy and ruthless, and I just love her,” he admitted.

Elise uncrossed her arms and sighed.

“If you’re this certain, I don’t see a point to question your decision. Father won’t be happy, but I doubt he’d approve of Kaze. Or even Azura.”

Leo grumbled, a light blush coming to his cheeks.

“He would most certainly try to get to her through me. That might be the first time I prove useful to him,” the younger prince mumbled.

Corrin protested angrily at that, knowing how hard on himself Leo could be.

“Go find Peri, Xander. We’ll talk things out later, when we’re not as pumped up. All these nasty rumors brought a strange feeling to our camp,” Camilla observed.

The crown prince didn’t have to be begged. His strides were long and purposeful, but a scream warned him that he might be too late. A minute later, one bawling Peri rode her horse past him at thundering speed and Xander had to dive to the side to dodge a bolt of lightning casted by one enraged Nyx. Laslow ran up to him, out of breath and sporting a magnificent bruise on his left cheekbone.

“What the hell happened?” Xander asked.

“Peri said she was going to cook something, but Jakob… was already in the kitchen and their argument turned into… a fight? She was in tears when she barged in the stables and Nyx was threatening her on the way out,” Laslow explained, clearly out of breath. “I tried to calm her down, but she… well you can already tell, right?”

Xander’s first reaction was to call for his horse and rush after her, but Jakob didn’t sport a simple bruise. He was holding his side, bleeding copiously and looking paler than ever as Nyx tried to patch him up with a vulnerary. One disheveled Felicia was using her staff on him, the healing light slowly knitting the skin back together. Peri had done this. Was it out of anger, or fear? He couldn’t imagine Peri feeling threatened enough by the butler… Unless he’d reminded him of her mother’s murderer. But wouldn’t such a problem appear before? It had to be Leo’s vehement protest about them. She’d heard and panicked. There wasn’t much he could do for Jakob, so he collected his horse and ordered Laslow to explain the situation to Corrin in his stead. Peri couldn’t have gotten too far yet. Or so he thought.

…

 Corrin waited to make sure her butler and friend Jakob was alright before to worry about the culprit of his heavy wounds. From what Jakob had said, the girl had been enraged and also scared. From what the young princess had gathered, Peri’s feelings for her brother were genuine. And like any young girl, she was terrified at the idea of losing her one true love.

“We need to track them. Who’s our best tracker?”

“Keaton, of course,” Camilla instantly replied. “We just need something that belonged to her, don’t we?”

Keaton lowered his ears as the general attention turned to him.

“Well, I might be able to find them, but they’re on horse. We must hurry before the trail goes cold.”

It seemed clear that cavalier soldier would be their best option if they want to catch up with Xander quickly enough. Camilla, Leo and Elise all insisted on coming, feeling bad for the ordeal they put their older brother through. Silas and Laslow both offered to come, Laslow climbing on Leo’s mount while Elise shared the saddle with Camilla. Corrin was with Silas, as was becoming the usual. She sat in front of him, unable to determine what she was more worried about. The fact Peri had attacked one of their own, or whether or not Peri had acted this way because of her own reaction to the news of Xander’s decision.

She wanted nothing more than for her brother to be happy. But with the example of Garon so strong in their minds, who could blame her sibling and herself for reacting this strongly against the match?  Corrin thought back on the time when Peri had been saddened by how everyone threw weird looks her way. And her wide smile whenever she was the one taking cooking duty and receiving genuine compliments for the delicious meal.

_I knew Xander loved her, but why couldn’t I be ready when he finally acted out on it?_

 Had it been some sort of jealousy deep down? Seeing all her siblings pairing off with people. How Camilla barely gave her any of her time anymore, off on her little cloud. Was she afraid of losing them again, like she did every time her castle’s doors closed on their retreating form?

“Lady Corrin?” Silas asked her, keeping his voice down.

Snapping back to reality, Corrin realized everyone was waiting on her to give the signal for their departure.

“Selena, Odin, I’m counting on you to be in charge during our absence. Let’s go!”

In a stampede of hooves and with Camilla’s wyvern following above their head, they ventured out of the castle, rushing after Keaton in his wolf form. Xander had half an hour of advance, but his stallion was no pushover and it was hard for them all to keep up with their designated tracker. But they wouldn’t give up on their teammates after everything they had been through together. On the way, Laslow repeated how Peri would have never done this in normal circumstances. She knew better. It was hard to tell what that retainer could do if she was stressed out or afraid.

Jakob had been hurt. And Peri must have been terrified when she realized what she had done as she let herself be blinded by rage.

Corrin wondered if she wasn’t the one at fault.

To be continued…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While not entirely satisfied with this chapter, I do know it will permit me to get this story somewhere after my small writer block. Fluff and hurt/comfort should appear in the following chapter, which I hope to bring out sooner than this one. Thank you for your patience and for taking the time to read this story!


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